I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
