you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
