why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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