Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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