I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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