Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
