do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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