my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
