Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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