you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
