Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
