Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
