If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
