Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
