Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
