what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
