in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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