I think i peed on brittanys purse
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
