my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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