Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
