R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude i'm inner monologue high
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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