fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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