Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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