Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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