I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
