By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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