Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My vagina just clenched in fear
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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