now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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