I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
