I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
