a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
