I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
