Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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