Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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