Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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