you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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