drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
