Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
