Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
