I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
