Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
