You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize