You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
