You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
