youre lurking in front of me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
