All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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