Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
