Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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