What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
