are you still at the devil's house?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
