We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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