every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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