Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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