cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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