Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
