I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
