$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
