90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
