i think my mom watched the whole time
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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