I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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