why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
