we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
