i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
