It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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