one two three fourrrrnication!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
