I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza