worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
