Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.