And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits