thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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