Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
honey bunches of taint.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
