literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
