I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
