so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
