how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
