My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
