I just pynch a tree in the face
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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