the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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