my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
